I recently saw a video doing the rounds on what I consider to possibly be the best hot dog ever conceived! The idea of making any form of food better as any “real man” will tell you is to simply add some cheese and wrap it in bacon. This hot dog does this perfectly.
As the video shows it’s a nice job. Sit back and soak in the bacony juiciness and then once that’s done we’ll have a little talk.
Now I’ll bet you’re sitting there, mouth filled with saliva wondering if you have any bacon, cheese and hot dogs in the kitchen (or at the very least contemplating a late night mission to the shops) BUT STOP!!!! No not bus stop…BUT…STOP…WAIT!!! (a minute mr postman) (now look you’ve got me rambling) OI BACON WRAPPED HOT DOG STUFFED WITH CHEESE!!!! Oh yeah!
SO you’re sitting there thinking of the hot dog, thinking of making it, thinking it won’t be the work of but minutes…THINK AGAIN!
This may almost be the pinnacle of hot dog cuisine but I am afraid they went the route of “tried hard but failed at the last hurdle”. The hot dog you see in the video is cheesy, yes; bacony, yes; and almost perfect in every way but we need to add a few more things to the table before I can truly say that this is “the treat that is complete“!
WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MINDS HAS A HOT DOG WITHOUT MUSTARD?!?!?!
What kind of freakish person do you have to be that you can stand to have ANY hot dog, never mind the ULTIMATE hot dog without a river of golden mustard lining the outside of the dog as it sits wrapped in its snug bun? Of course I will not get into the whole “What type of mustard should I use?” debate as this is pure folly. It is such that I can say that any form of mustard is fine as long as it is present. Definitely a case of the importance of its presence overshadows any silly small arguments as to French V English V American V Jar V Squeezy.
Then secondly, easily following on from that is the question of “sauce”, “ketchup”, “red stuff”. Now personally I love ketchup (preferably a beanz meanz variety) and would happily have it on almost any meal going but even I can forgo the ketchup as Mustard will always be the king of the hot dog condiments! To ketchup or not ketchup? That’s not a question you want to be asking “Is there mustard?”
Finally we get to what I think may be the biggest faux pas committed on the part of the creators of the video and it forces me to place this hot dog in the “close but no cigar” category. WHERE ARE THE ONIONS?????
I mean I can almost forgive the lack of ketchup, no mustard as unforgivable as it is pails into insignificance when compared to something that is part of the hot dog itself. It’s no mere condiment added as an after thought. It’s like non-alcoholic beer; All very nice but there’s something just not feeling right.
In the same way onions complete a hot dog, they are not extra they are part of the whole. I doubt there’s a hot dog seller out there that would disagree that there should be onions on a hot dog.. Never mind at this point as to how your onions should be prepared; fried, boiled, poached, grilled, hell even fecking raw, not to have onions is an unforgivable sin!
Now I have to admit when it comes to onions I get a little “just call me Gordon Blue” when it comes to mushrooms. Just boiling them in the same water that does the hot dogs is not, I repeat NOT, an acceptable preparation method. I won’t “diss” many forms of cooking but boiling??? JEBUS man get out of the 40’s and start cooking your food!
So for those of you that are curious (and are logged in to the site) below is how to turn the hot dog shown in the video above into the complete treat, the ultimate dog, the Hot Dog Man Style.
[su_note]Glossary Some = A indeterminable amount. What falls out of the jar when you shoogle it. Shoogle = verb. To Shoogle. To shake. To wiggle. Both simultaneously. Spice Cupboard = One exits in every home. It is where jars of herbs and spices that no one remembers buying sit in the hope that one day they will be found useful. They sit there with stock cubes and other assorted packets of powders and insides of freeze-dried noodles that have long since been chucked on some toast without the flavour.[/su_note]